Tribute to My Dad

Written Wednesday, April 8, 2009 at 12:31am










He's 87 now. I still sit in his lap & try to "dance with my father".


A friend wrote a poignant letter about the importance of the role of the father. He did not, by any means, slight the role of the mother. He merely spoke from his own experience, and the significant role he has within his family. I applaud his ability to recognize and celebrate his role. I, like many who responded to Carl, am a daddy's girl. I could have easily been the woman Carl warned brothers about. The one with “daddy issues”.

Early on, I sought the approval of my strict, hard working father. Instead I was fearful and unsettled by his strictness, but flattered by his admiration of my brain power. I was self-conscious of what he thought of me physically (we are twins), but ecstatic when he complimented me. Carl is so right in his perception. For women, our dad is our first boyfriend in a healthy way.

I use to write my father letters from MSU questioning his love, wondering if I disappointed him. He would write me saying, "Little one, daddy loves you." We did dance together, in the living room, and at parties. We were in fashion shows together. Somehow, I thought I was a mama's girl. You know my shopping buddy, my buffer, the one who loved me through it all. My mother was down for the cause!

I did not see what others saw-I was a "daddy's girl" all along. When I got it, when I really got it, I was attending a golf banquet with my parents (during my college years). My father introduced me to a colleague. The man just smiled, "So, you're Kellom's daughter, the one that goes to Michigan State." I remember being shocked that he talked about me. How stupidly blind I had been. That man stood in line with me to go to the Motown Revue. He sat through a Michael Jackson concert. He bought me sacks of White Castle hamburgers. He even put Dot & Etta shrimp in my locker for lunch a couple of times. He was the Bomb Diggity! And yes, we danced together.

Once, he said to me, "Barbara, don't look for me." I think that is the only time I would have to disagree with my father. If you have a good father role, you should at least look for that. I still remember being in high school at the mall with friends, when once again I was amazed to have to walk from the parking lot to the store entrance. My father always dropped his girls off at the door. He backed down to the sidewalk so that we would not step on the neighbors grass when entering or exiting the car. He opened every single door I walked through when I was with him.

I did follow my father's instruction literally. I did not look for him. I did not get anything like him. And it almost cost my daughter's life. But, she had a GREAT granddaddy. From that relationship, she has been able to pick up the pieces.

My father is 87 years old and in a nursing home. He cannot always remember my name, but he can still dance, and laugh. We still spar, and I try to hold my fist like he taught me. He is still proud of me. The father-daughter role cannot be taken lightly. It does indeed shape the relationships to come. And, every moment that I can "dance with my father again" is so very cherished.

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