Been to Market

I Am Defined... By Barbara A. Kellom

I am declaring my freedom. I am declaring that there is no butterfly as free as the inner me.
I am announcing my worth. I am you. You are me. Under one sun.
Under one Son. Loving you as I love myself has been a challenge.
Loving myself has been a struggle.
Being me has sometimes been insurmountable against the currents of others expectations.

I am claiming my wealth, my love, my health.
I am receiving my peace, my joy, my crown.
I accept your unspoken apology, but you are not welcome to go to that place again.
I am not open for your hurt, your cruelty, your selfishness.
I am not willing to be under the soles of your feet as you rise up.
I wait for that which is good, and will not stand for those who choose to douse me with insecure glances... insecure buckets of leftover dung you did not know how to dispose of...are you the animal it came from?
I am protected and that which you seek to cover me in seeps through your pores.
And you wreak of anger and resentment until I smell it.

What have you to offer someone who has been defined as other than carpet, or door mat?
If it is nothing, what are you doing here?
Why here? Who invited you to bring your stuff and drop it?
You being the source of negativity that searches for ways to block all that I am
With hopes of changing it to I cannot. So I cannot stand you being here.

I cannot be anyone but who I am.
And I am.
I am.

Been to Market

Tonight... By Barbara A. Kellom

Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 3:24am ·

Tonight I cried for a time that will never return.
I cried for the sweet smell of summer, fat caterpillars, and my youth.
I cried to play hide and seek in the alley, running past poison berry bushes that were always someone's meal.
I cried for jump rope and 24 robbers.
I cried to be  picked up in my Daddy's arms, because I was too young, too little to cross the streets, and my steps were too short to keep up.
I cried because I miss that man.
I cried for my dolls, my pink little girl's room filled with toys, my crushes...all of them, my first kiss, my 45's playing all night long.
Tonight, I let my tears roll down my cheeks. I let them rush down my cheeks.
I let my heart ache for lost loves, for loves that will never be and those that will never be again.
Tonight, I let the tears swell in my eyes. I let the water swell my eyes shut.

I had no reservations.  I allowed myself the PLEASURE of pain.
DO YOU HEAR WHAT I'M SAYING?
I cried 'til my tears were powdered stains on my cheeks.
I cried because there was no one to kiss my tears away. No one to make it alright like it used to be.

I cried because there was no band-aid big enough to stop the bleeding.
I was ALONE, with my MEMORIES of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE that used to make me laugh, and I cried.

The Joys of a Dog-For Dog Lovers Only (If you love cats, you'll understand, too)

by Barbara Kellom on Thursday, March 22, 2012 at 12:02pm ·

Years ago, I promised my then, little girl a puppy when we got a backyard.  Well, almost 9 years ago she held me to a promise, I'd hoped she'd forgotten. But, I made good on the promise much like my father had done for me February 13, 1965 when I brought home "Terry", a wired-haired fox terrier from the Detroit Humane Society for $7! My father was extremely irritated and outdone that I had found the dog at the HUMANE SOCIETY that I picked out of my dog book . (And yes, my daughter has already pointed out that I am forever a geek.  In fact, just plain corny). So! My dear Terry beat up a boxer once! She had to be euthanized when she was 13 years old.

Anyway, I went to the same Detroit Humane Society to help my daughter pick her dog. She had her own money, which was good because they no longer cost $7.  A few days later we left with "Coltrane", who is a mix between German Shepherd and Vizsla.  A year later she went off to college, and I was left with Coltrane.  I grew to love her, walk her, talk with her, and I didn't kill her when she shredded my newly upholstered brown velvet sofa.

Coltrane is poised for whatever... 
A Vizsla

When my daughter returned from school, the bond between she and Coltrane had changed, and she soon yearned for another dog. Not having it! However, when she moved to a house last year, she fostered a dog who was in a kill shelter.  The dog was pregnant, and supposed to be a lab mix having 5 puppies.  Well, on the day my dear, dear father turned 90, eight puppies were born to Mia.  True to my music lover daughter all the puppies except two were named after musicians. The two were Sophie and CK (named after my dad).  They were like horrible gremlins! They learned to moved their wired gate in unison and escape.  They tore up UGG boots, MAC make-up, remotes, $150 headsets, vintage Ray-Bans, and pooped nonstop.  One day my daughter returned to find the eight pups had moved the gate to the front door from the back of her house! I wanted to laugh, but she was in tears and stuff (and stuff that stank) was everywhere.

Slowly, very slowly the puppies were adopted. All that was left was Mia (the mom) and CK.  CK was the runt of the litter, and never stopped moving. She has some marbles that are misplaced, and has probably ridden on a couple of space ships.  Incidentally, we were duped.  The dogs probably have never been near a lab-maybe a pit or two!

Anyway, CK had an annoying, but lovable way of climbing all over you and just making you love her.  We shared a very special bond.  Not just because she was named CK because of my dad, or born on his birthday, or her warmth, but CK got very ill on October 19 around 3 p.m.  We had to rush her to the dog hospital, it was the same time we would have been visiting my Daddy.  CK was fine, and my Daddy was free to leave us on that day. I knew that when the day came that CK was adopted, I would cry.  The day came yesterday.  When my daughter stopped by with CK and told me, I burst into tears. She was a horrid, but funny creature, with an infinite amount of energy. You would think we would have thrown a party. But, we sobbed, and yes, I am still crying as I write this.  Little CK had so much spunk. However, CK has gone to drive a family with two children absolutely crazy... I hope that she will bring them all of the joy and laughter she brought us!

Now, my daughter is well guarded by her faithful friend Mia, and I have Coltrane.  For dog lovers, a dog can warm your heart and bring you comfort at your lowest ebb.  Have a great life CK!!! Your namesake did!